Up until now I have shared photos, music, videos and my own day to day thoughts. Now, I want to share something just a bit different….
I have written a few “comedy” sketch type scripts which were inspired by real life situations on my bus adventures and would, in my mind, make up an entire episode/series called “The Bus”
In my head the plot is centred around a person who hates travelling by bus and hates everyone else travelling by bus. There’s a bit of surrealism and talking to “the camera” involved….oh and also a lot of swearing and vulgarity so if you are easily offended then don’t read. Otherwise I look forward to your comments (or your unfollows)…
THE BUS – The Bus Shelter 1
People are standing at a bus stop in a small country town on a very cold frosty morning. DOREEN (older lady works as Dinner Lady slightly hunched over with big hair). NICK (young, good looking man, dressed smart). They are not talking but comfortable in each others presence. WOMAN (early 30’s, smartly dressed) is also there with BOY (toddler, cute) who is playing with a toy car. SIMON approaches (plain young man, shelf stacker, a little bit simple perhaps)
(overly cheery for so early in the morning)
NICK does not reply and he just rolls his eyes showing his contempt for SIMON
(Too excitedly for the topic)
It’s not nice this morning. Apparently, we are to get some severe weather.
NICK turns his head away
Oh. My. God.
Who the hell says that? Who says severe weather? Television weather presenters, that’s who. John Kettley, Sian Lloyd, Michael Fish – although he didn’t that was the problem, even pre Gladiators Ulrika Johnson, she would have said that. Is he any of them? No!
NICK looks to where SIMON was standing and he is now in front of one glass panel side of bus shelter which has a picture of the map of the UK on it. He is now dressed smartly in a suit and is adding and moving little clouds and little suns to the map.
NICK pulls SIMON back into the reality of the bus stop
You are NOT a weatherman. Just say. It looks like. We’re in for a shitty day. Like a normal person.
NICK and SIMON go back to where they were.
(In response to original comment)
Oh? Fucking Oh? Hello. Is she not at the same bus stop as us?
NICK looks back to where DOREEN was and sees her now in a sun drenched bus stop wearing a bikini, big sunglasses, cocktail in hand and saggy skin everywhere soaking up the sun on the bench.
NICK takes DOREEN by the hand and leads her back to the reality of the bus stop.
Look, you know fine well you’ve changed your calendar to winter….You realised why you had to wear your old lady cold weather gear this morning….
NICK starts re-dressing DOREEN in the big winter jacket she was wearing previously.
Dont say…Oh? Never say…. oh? It just encourages the twat….ok?
NICK and DOREEN go back to where they were.
DOREEN has a look of sudden realisation.
Oops, I’ve got a letter in my bag I need to post.
DOREEN is seen standing next to her bag which is now almost as big as her. She starts to climb in until only her flapping legs can be seen at the top.
(Distant and echoey)
It’s…. In…Here….Some…Where……oh that’s where they went. Mmmm.
DOREEN can be heard chewing on something.
Ahhhh, I’m falling….
NICK rushes over and grabs DOREEN by the ankles and starts pulling her out the bag.
Honestly, why do little old ladies have such big bags?
DOREEN is now safely back on the ground and is holding a letter which is smaller than her hand.
Got it! Better be quick.
DOREEN starts to make her way to the post box on the other side of the road. NICK watches her go.
Seriously, why is she bothering to run? The classic old person run. Why do they do it? They’d get places much faster without doing it. And less likely to fall and get knocked over by a car too.
DOREEN is now seen doing star jumps all the way cross the road and back again
Mind you, with that barnet, any vehicle knocking into her would be bounced more than a kid on Jim’ll Fix It’s knee. Surely that’s at least a can of Silvikrin hairspray a day…
NICK grabs the BOY’s toy car fom him and launches it at DOREEN’s head. The car bounces off her hair without making an impression and the car shoots off into the distance.
Mummy, that man stole my car
NICK to BOY
Well. It’s a good job you’re getting the bus then…isn’t it?