News

Remember Me And Save 5p…

From October 20th in Scotland every retailer will charge 5p for every new carrier bag issued. Why? Didn’t the ozone layer grow back? Surely now we can be cut some slack on the “save the environment” nonsense? I for one will NOT be paying 5p for a carrier bag even if that means I have to juggle my shopping all the way home…

(more…)

I Don’t Think I Care What Happens To Other Humans…

Set fire to your mates…

Whilst reading two BBC news articles for Scotland today it made me wonder if there is something seriously wrong with me.

The first article tells of two men who have admitted setting fire to a stolen car in an Aberdeenshire supermarket car park while people were still sitting inside.

The second article talks about an animal charity calling for the licensing of air guns after a cat in West Lothian was left injured after being shot three times.

Look what you’ve done to me you evil f***ers…

I quickly skimmed the first one, thought “idiots” and moved on without giving it a second thought or feeling any sympathy for the victims whatsoever.

The second one got me so angry and I felt genuinely upset for the poor cat.

What does this say about me?

It made me think of all the bad news stories I see each and everyday and how I don’t often give a damn or care about the people involved. Yet as soon as an animal is the subject of the story then I show both interest and emotion.

Am I a bad human?

Bright eyes, burning like fire…

Another example would be today when I was walking along the pavement and saw a dead bunny rabbit that had obviously been hit by a car and somehow crawled out to take refuge under the bushes. There didn’t appear to be any apparent outward injuries and it simply looked like it was asleep.

I felt so sorry for this poor little creature and it stirred more emotion in me than it does when I read in the news about people being struck by traffic.

Do I not care what happens to other humans?

COYR (Come On You Reds)…

I’ve never been a big football fan. Give them all a ball so they don’t need to fight over the same one is usually my opinion. However, if I was to be fan then my local team would be Aberdeen Football Club (The Dons) who, for the first time since I can remember, are actually doing quite well. As well as many other recent successes the team will be playing to win the Scottish League Cup final on Sunday 16th March.

Dons fans paint the town red ahead of League Cup final…

To say that Aberdeen fans have gone a little crazy is perhaps an understatement. As reported in the Evening Express on Saturday 15th March, statues have been draped in red, shops have been putting out red bunting, butchers and bakeries have added Dons-themed treats to their menus with Sheep Are On Fire pies and cakes. One of Aberdeen’s biggest shopping malls, Union Square, rebranded themselves “Ewe-nion Square” for the weekend and fans have also written songs, created videos and as reported in the Daily Mail there is even a  Cup Final Anthem. I really hope they win but since music is more my thing than football I thought I’d offer out a few “Red” themed songs that the fans could sing on the terraces to will their team to victory and possibly use to celebrate afterwards…

“A Red Letter Day” by The Pet Shop Boys

“…all I want is what you want…”

“99 Red Balloons” by Nena

“…this is what we’ve been waiting for, this is it boys, this is war…”

“Red” by Daniel Merriweather

“…you took something perfect and painted it red…”

“Red, Red Wine” by Neil Diamond

“Old Red Eyes Is Back” by The Beautiful South

GOOD LUCK!

Steve Joins The Stars Offering Their Top 10 Tips…

I read this article on the BBC News website today.

“Last year, some of the art world’s biggest names handed out career advice in a series of article for the BBC News website.

Author PD James, designer Emma Bridgewater, Oscar-nominated screenwriter Tony Gilroy and Jason Bell, who photographed the christening of Prince George, all listed their top 10 tips for people hoping to emulate their successes.

They spoke of the benefits of hard work, valuing criticism, leaving your comfort zone and even going to the pub…”

I then thought that I would give this a go and give my top ten tips for why I think I am good at being an IT Productivity Coach…

1. It’s not just Doctors that need patience…

Have a little…

I’ve been told on many occasions by people that they can’t believe how patient I am.

They tell me that if they had to try to train someone like themselves then they would be grabbing the computer mouse from under their hands and using it as a weapon until they understood what was they were trying to be shown.

What do I have to say to that? Well firstly violence doesn’t get you anywhere and secondly “keep calm and carry on” – you get to the same end result but you will get there easier, quicker and with acceptable blood pressure levels if you just have a little…patience.

2. Share the knowledge not your problems…

Dear oh dear…

I love sharing information with people. Information that will help them and make their life easier that is. They don’t really want to know if I’m trying for a baby or if my pet hamster just died. They might pretend that they do but they don’t really. Don’t treat people like “agony aunts” and just tell them what they need to know and save the rest for down the pub.

3. Empathise…

Beyonce was right….Listen!

People may not want to hear my worries and problems but that doesn’t mean that they don’t to share theirs.

That’s fine with me – sometimes people need a “sounding off board” and for someone just to listen, occasionally tilt their head and nod.

If I can make someone feel better just by being quiet while they talk and talk….and talk. Surely that’s money for nothing?

4. Treat everyone the same…

We’re all in this together…

From tea boys to the big boys and office secretaries to state secretaries – treat everyone the same.

At the end of the day if they can’t use Microsoft Word then they can’t use Microsoft Word and it doesn’t matter if they are running the country or running to collect the lunch orders.

Everyone is equal in my eyes.

5. I don’t want to know everything…

Are you s***** me…?

I’ve got a very small brain and I can’t possibly know everything. I also wouldn’t particularly want to know everything. If I don’t know something then I’ll be honest and say “I don’t know…but I can find out and let you know”. There’s no point in pretending you know when you actually don’t. If you step in dog s*** people can smell it, if you talk bull s*** people can smell it no matter how much sugar you sprinkle on the top of it.

6. Ask and you will receive…

The ultimate meme…

I’ve never been the type of person who volunteers information about their life. Some people on the other hand are all “I’ve done this, I’ve done that blah blah blah”. Yeah? Who cares? If people want to get information about me, from me, then they have to ask. Once they do then it’s like a flood gate has opened and they might wish that they hadn’t asked but since they have invited out the information then they can’t complain when I’m talking about me.

7. Prepare…but don’t over prepare…

Don’t have an affinity with Acme Co…

If you are delivering a presentation or a training session – prepare, prepare, prepare. Know your subject, know what questions people might ask and know that things can and probably will go wrong. On the other hand,  there are some things that you simply can’t prepare for. You could spend hours trying to prejudge a situation then it turns out to be something different entirely and all that time you spent surmising rather than preparing was wasted time. Look at the Roadrunner cartoons, the Coyote would spend ages preparing something ridiculous without knowing for sure the Roadunner’s plans and he pretty much always ended up blowing himself into smithereens. Don’t be the Coyote, be the Roadrunner.

8. Sit on the fence…

Dis is de bestest defence…

Never offer an opinion. People might tell you this about that person and that person will tell you this about another person and so on and so on.

You might get a few splinters in your ass or a cold butt, however,  it is definitely much safer sitting up on top of that big fence than getting involved in office politics.

9. Laugh at yourself…

Doh…

Make yourself out to be more stupid than you actually are. In my case that’s not really too difficult (see, I just done it without even realising).

Make yourself the butt of the joke.

If someone does something ridiculous, a simple “oh, I do that all the time” puts them at ease and immediately diffuses the situation. Obviously this depends on the stupidity of their actions – even I have my limits.

10. Have fun…

The Holy Trinity...Since we spend most of our day at work then if you don’t have fun when you are there then you really need to look for a new job!